Frequent Questions.

As his condition really started to set in, the most noticeable thing, for us kids anyway, was the frequent questions.  Dad was repeating questions.  The same questions.  Constantly.

Do you know where your brother is today?

He's at home Dad.

Oh, is he. That's good.

So you know where he is, do you?

Yes Dad. He's at home, doing stuff.

Oh.  That's good he's doing things.

Where is he while he's doing these things?

He's at his place.

Oh. That's good.

Tell me, just one last time, I probably asked before. Your brother is at home?

Yes Dad.

Ok, just one more time and then I'll be quiet.  Where is your brother today?

Ummmm - You want a cup of tea Dad??

My brother and law came to visit one day and he said, ‘what would happen if you didn’t answer him when he asked for the 3^rd time?’  I had to say, I’d never thought of that.  I presume he’d just keep asking, or he’d ask another question.

I do know, though not as well as my mother knows, that living with constant, repetitious questions is very, very draining.  We short term visitors, which is how I’d label Glenn and myself, because we only turned up at home for a little while every couple of days, offered Mum a bit of a reprieve. 

We also became very good at rephrasing the same reply.  Why?  Well, it got darned boring saying the same response over and over again.  And I thought that maybe, rephrased, the answer may resonate somewhere in his mind and stick. 

But, as I’ve said before, with no resident expert offering salient advice, I have no idea if anything we were doing was right.

The only thing we knew for sure was he’s our Dad and regardless of any ups and downs we may have had, we love him heaps and we don’t think he deserves this bloody disease.

I haven't seen your brother today, have you?

Dad, you already asked me that question.

Did I?  What was your answer to my question then.



The brother in question.

Apple Pie, Globalisation and Hind Sight.

We love mum. 
Mum is a real special lady.
She makes the best apple pie in the world....

Dad's Alzheimers has tested her. 
We probably don't really know how much.

When it was first suggested that Dad might be in the early stages of Alzheimers, I don't think any of us actually realised the impact this disease would have on him.
 
When he eventually was diagnosed, I'm not sure that mum believed he had Alzheimers.  And I'm fairly certain that none of us, mum in particular, realised what an impact this would have on her.

In the interval between resigning from his job and just prior to his diagnosis, Mum did mention she had noticed a couple of changes in his behaviour.  One of them, she said, was he had started to lack confidence when meeting people.  That was unusual. Dad used to love meeting people.  He was a people person.

One of his more common topics at functions, he often got requests to speak, was the importance of respecting and embracing other cultures and what they had to offer our own country and maori in particular.  He and mum were involved in organisations, and in fact set up one that still operates today, that specialised in inter-cultural relations. 

If we'd been looking for the onset of Alzheimers as Dad got older, maybe we'd have known that reptition of a topics is a sign.  Along with confusion of concepts.  But I for one presumed Dad would grow old with grace, with just the typical golden years issues, so wasn't keeping an eye out.

In the years preceding his diagnosis, and it was a few years, it was a bit of humour at family functions to wonder what speech Dad would make, because being head of the whanau and a man with mana, it was expected he would make speeches. 

Would he talk about embracing other cultures (he often did), would he quote his favourite passages from the bible, would he talk about the 'global family'.  We found this humorous because he was speaking at family birthdays or weddings.  Not really the right sceme for a topic like globalisation.  And once he started talking, what would he say?  And when would he stop? He would often repeat himself and his repetition took him round and round.

You see, he was already exhibiting symptoms, we just didn't register it as serious.  He was getting on in years after all.
It's only now, in hindsight.....