Settling Dad in to this first facility was a lot of work for the whanau.
The family visited as often as possible (which was quite a lot) because the unit manager was of the opinion that Dad needed familiarity to help him settle. This was different to most other places that ask family to stay away during the settling in period. We found the managers approach suited us just fine.
The major draw card with this facility, however, was the space and the views of the water.
Dad was still very mobile and he still liked to be outside. He may not have been able to cart wood, but he still thought he could - or at least he thought he wanted to.
On one visit home, Dad showed me a couple of viewing galleries he had made out the back using what ever he could get his hands on, which wasn't much. A couple of chairs, some tree branches, some metal found lying around.
One viewing spot was made by scratching soil out from around a tree root to create a flat area. He used a stick to build this area. He wasn't allowed tools and the unit hadn't quite managed to find the male gardener yet. This is the type of activity he was used to. This is what he wanted to do - not play scrabble.
We bought some paint so Dad could paint the back fence if he wanted. It turned out we spent more time painting than he did. He would come down with us and get started and then do what he used to do at home - leave us to it while he side tracked onto something else.
I have to say, the painting really was quite therapeutic.
But Dad still cried. He wanted to know why he was there. He asked what had he done to deserve being left here. He wanted to know when he was going home. He wanted to know why Mum wasn't staying with him.
Some days he convinced himself he was on a marae with a group of other people.
One day he made us laugh when he said, "Isn't it great to have a place like this for all those people" indicating a couple of obviously challenged residents. There was, of course, absolutely nothing wrong with him.
It would be nice to say he eventually settled into the place. At the very least it did become familiar to him.
But mum found it hard to leave him there. I think she also found the conditions a little hard to take.
The thing with dementia units is that they do tend to smell of pee. No matter how hard a unit might try, someone will still pee somewhere - I'm referring to the men mostly. Dad used to pee off the verandah onto the grass because...well, mostly just because.
This unit was quite old - it still had carpet in the hallway which did tend to reek if someone thought the corner in the corridor looked like a great place for relief and the aroma of pee does get to you after a while.
Long story short, after a few months Mum decided Dad hadn't settled as well as she'd hoped, though mostly I think she was feeling a little guilty for putting him there, so she pulled him out and took him home.
