Visiting Dad

The family visits Dad regularly.

Mum drives down from up North to see him.  She has taken Dad out of his current care facility a few times to see how he reacted and also to see how she coped. 

She has been thinking of taking Dad home.  She believes he should be seeing out his days at home and I tend to agree.  There is something about dying at home that is more comforting than passing on in unfamilar territory.  Especially if you're elderly.  I mean, what if that big Marae in the Sky is harder to find if you're not on home turf when you check out? 

But the fact is, and Mum has also admitted this realisation, she will need a lot more support to be able to care for Dad at home.  Where does one find quality, highly trained, 24 hour in home care in Kaeo?  And someone will have to build a fence - the Northland property is not conducive to keeping Dad out of harms way and within sight should he actually manage to shuffle down the driveway.

Rather than give up on the idea of taking Dad home, Mum has been thinking how she can make this plan happen.  I'm sure if it's meant to be, the universe will provide.

My sisters have also taken Dad on a few outings (watching the kids play sport, that kind of thing) to give him a bit more stimulation and a change of scenery.  I gather, from e-mailed reports, that he is relatively happy to be taken along but he does get tired easily.

We, sitting here in the desert, don't imagine for one minute that looking after Dad is a piece of cake for mum or my sisters.  It would be like having another very dependent child along for the ride.
 
My sister's partner is into alternative health and visits Dad a couple of times a week to give him massage and other treatment.  Results are positive, though the medical knowledgable think all or any improvements are due to the drugs.  We, being holistic health knowledgable, appreciate his efforts and roll our eyeballs over the medical knowledgable response.  There would be less contortions of the eyes if the medical machine would make the effort to look into alternative health and see it's advantages, particularly in care of the elderly and Alzheimers.

Our son visits his grandfather every couple of weeks.  He sometimes takes his little boy along for the trip.  We are glad he makes the effort, especially as we can't be there, and he reports his visits to us when we Skype.   I don't know if he considers these visits are an effort - he's always had a soft spot for his Poppa.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm glad Dad isn't one of those men who appears family-less.  You know, one of those old folks in old folks homes who don't get visitors.  It would be easy for the family to say 'I have a life and it's too busy to include you right now, Dad'.   Especially as there are times when Dad is very non-compos mentis.

Visiting Dad takes effort.  It takes time.  This isn't a drop in for five minutes on a whim for a quick cuppa kind of thing.  This is committment.  Regular, ongoing committment.  And there is no way of knowing how long the family has to keep visiting Dad.  He is looking rather frail right now, but that doesn't mean he's about to clock out any time soon. 

I am reassured knowing that, regardless of how much longer he may be on this earth, and regardless of how aware he may or may not be, the family will keep visiting Dad.

How does one help, so far away?

Dad

I was lying in bed the other night, tossing around, because there was a family meeting due in NZ, on a Sunday at 1pm.  My husband, Glenn, and me could not be there.  We live in Saudi.

We get updates on how he is and what's going on.

But getting second hand news is so....second hand.

The meeting was about Dad and his rapid decline in health, in spirit, in physical strength ever since he was placed into care, but more importantly, since he was put in hospital and doped to the eyeballs with drugs, because that's the only treatment modern medicine has for a man with Alzheimers and it's array of behavioural personalities.

Drugs that basically turned him into a zombie, wrecked havoc on his kidneys and made him feel....not right.  In his own words 'Gae, it feels like there's a cover on my eyes'.  Have a look, is there a cover on my eyes?'

But as my husband says, 'What else can they do Gae?'  He's such an annoying voice of reason sometimes.
I can feel so sad and angry and helpless all at the same time sometimes, reason seems a bit, well, reasonable.

We sent an e-mail with our thoughts prior to the meeting.  But it's not like being there.

There are times when I so wish I was home.  I mean, how is one meant to help being this far away.
But really, when I got there, what could I do??

Dad Spent Christmas Day With The Family

Dad spent Christmas Day with the family.   It was the right place for him, because Mum and Dad have always spent Christmas Day with family.  Mum was determined this Christmas was going to be no different.  All reports are that everyone had a good day. 

There was cricket in the back yard.  Lots of presents and lots of food.

Here are some photos:



A little bit of overwhelm perhaps?

 

Present time



I think he likes it





Having a closer look

  

Enjoying the grand moko



Foot massage - Definitely needed after busy Christmas Day

I have to say I was a little shocked at some of the photos.  Dad is looking frail.

Even if Dad did cry his way through some of it and slept through another sizeable portion, along with Mum who is buggered from travelling between Auckland and Northland so often, that's not what's important. 

What's important is that, by all accounts, with Alheimers or not, Dad enjoyed his Christmas Day spent with the family.